snichel..out of nowhere

Sunday, March 26, 2006

24 days and counting

yup, you got it right, it's been 24 days since we last talked (not even a decent conversation if i may say), and still- i'm alive and sane.

i've never really understood what happened between us, how and why we came to this, ang alam ko lang, i want to end the cycle. i especially liked what i've read from patty's blog- for it describes exactly what i'm feeling right now, that what hurt most is not really losing him but knowing that he didn't do anything to keep me. why i was not surprised anymore, when our common friends said that they expected it already, it's just not him, or maybe, i'm just not worthy.

part of me is still sad, sabi ko nga kay chelo, sa lahat ng masakit, eto ang pinakamasakit, because i was not prepared, i expected, and i invested too much. i miss him , he was my weekends after all, his was the phone call i always wanted to get, the messages i leave undeleted on my phone, and the chats i save on file no matter how shallow, just for the sake of mushiness.

natatamad na ko ipagpatuloy, saka na lang, pag di na ampalaya ang breakfast, lunch, and dinner ko, pag di na mapait ang panlasa ko, pag clear na utak ko at di ko na pinagsisisihan those fucking moments i sticked with him, pag wala na akong galit sa mga kalbo.


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